you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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