I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
