i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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