he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
