to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
