i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
