He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize