We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
