Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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