I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
