my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
