giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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