I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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