Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
