I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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