Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize