The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
