Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
