It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize