I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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