i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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