I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
