I bet he comes in French.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
