my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
