I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
