i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize