**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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