Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
