you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize