I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
