marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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