Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
