he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
