She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
