I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
