he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
