It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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