You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
