very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
