You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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