If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
