the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
