I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize