she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
