you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
