My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
