Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
