3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
