I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
