Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
