I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
