Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
