Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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