Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
