Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
