so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
