i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
