i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
