Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
