is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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