Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
