There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
