I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
