i was born a porn star she said
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
