I can tuck mytits in my pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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