it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
