Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
