WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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