i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize