If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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