He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
