this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
