Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
